I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
