4 words: hood of his car
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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