i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
