Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
