think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
