Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
bring money and cleavage
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
