shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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