"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's never too late to be topless.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
