He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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