You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
