I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
