it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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