cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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