HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
