You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
