please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
