Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
