Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
