I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
