You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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