you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
