Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
