afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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