We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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