my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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