gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
