I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
