i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
