i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
