batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
