So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
MIDGETS
????
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
