I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
