Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
