we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How external is "for external use only"?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
