you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
