I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
