You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
