so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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