Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
