Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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