sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
