she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
