hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
