I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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