I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
