I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude i'm inner monologue high
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
