awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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