Buhtt sex?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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