The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
