i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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